I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
