Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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