So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
