it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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