Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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