my sisters under your porch take her home
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
