I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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