He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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