RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
