so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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