I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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