We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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