There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
