We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
