The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
