after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
