I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
