mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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