The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
