xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
