Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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