I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
