also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
