I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
