Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it penis luge time yet?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
