Non-Jews are for practice
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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