I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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