i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
