she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
