This is not my ceiling
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
