so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
