I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
