New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
