I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
