could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want a musical about memes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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