Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
