I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
