Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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