Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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