his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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