Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
