Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
