At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
