false alarm. still invincible.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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