If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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