Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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