At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
