Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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