You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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