:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
