Can i not drive my cunt home
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
