so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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