oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
