So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
