I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
