You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
