Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
